Endorsements on High
Olympians,
Our events are continuing virtually and in person, with Breaking underway, and the Boze Bump Bash serving as our first Freestyle Skiing event this Saturday, April 6th. But that's not the biggest news. I'm excited to share that over the past few months I've been working behind the scenes to elevate Our Olympics to the next level:
Back in the sculpture competition we focused on designing medals that would be handed out to winners of Our Games. I then produced three in the winning design, a dahlia by Jennifer Sexauer, out of modeling clay. Until now, we've only had one medal of each color to share. But forget colors, working through the back channels of La Crosse's underground trade network, we have forged an agreement to work with Rock "The King of Scrap" Johnson who has a pulse on all of the waste metal in a tri-county area. He'll be extracting the bronze from sculptures sourced from dumpsters in Waterford Valley, melting down discarded silverware from 3rd Street's Antique Store, and going for gold by applying paint thinner to lift lettering off of scrapyard fire engines. We'll now have bonafide metal medals for every champion in Our Olympics!
Secondly, we know that winning one of Our Events awards the competitor with unending bragging rights, but is too often a dead end in their sporting achievements. That's why I've been negotiating for months to secure a contract that would change all that. From here forward, first-place finishers in Our Events will receive endorsements from the US Olympic Committee to automatically be entered into the upcoming Olympic Trials. No longer will your prowess be limited to our group of friends, but you will now be able to show off those skills, honed in an hour of training, on the national stage!
Finally, due to the USA-OC bump, we also have attracted some notable entrants to upcoming events for Our Olympics! In July, we'll be biking across Indiana for the RAIN ride, a 160 mile race, and while we are still looking for more friends to join, Katrina and I have word that the third entrant joining Our contingent will be Lance Armstrong as he looks for an easier qualifier for his comeback to top tier cycling. In August, we're pinning down a bouldering/lead climbing competition date at the Farmington, NM gym. Our first RSVP came from Alex Honnold and we have heard there's tentative interest from Marc-André Leclerc, providing we can secure a clear path to the Canadian Olympic Trials following a win in Our Games. Lastly, Mikaela Shiffrin acknowledged that she'll throw her hat in the ring for this weekend's mogul competition. "After re-setting the records in every alpine racing event, I realized that I have to branch out to re-set records in all the other skiing disciplines. Why not start with freestyle moguls?" We'll have to see if these parameter changes prove to be big improvements for Our event series, or if we'll just look like fools against the influx of celebrity contenders.
Ongoing Events: Breaking I
Honorable Mentions
Send in your own sports story to be featured in the next blog!
What's Next
Freestyle Skiing I: Moguls, April 6th, Arizona Snowbowl, Flagstaff, AZThis is an organized ride/race from west to east across Indiana in a single day! Katrina and Gustave are looking for friends to join in. Sign up is open! Link to RAIN's website
Happy April 1st!
-Gustave
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